Neglect and Change

My poor neglected blog, my poor neglected soul...mostly me. I haven't had time, or more correctly, have not been making time for all the things that help to keep me soul feeling good. I have got to stop doing this.

My life as I knew it basically slipped away into chaos sometime before February. At the beginning of February I was dealing with some really intense client stuff, thankfully most of which has now been resolved, on top of that I had a brand spankin' new PR client (still do have him thankfully) that needed a lot of attention, and was in production on a feature with a very tight shooting schedule in the middle of nowhere....nowhere with lots of giant spiders. All of this was going down during my pregnancy, which has definitely been the absolute hardest one I've had.

This pregnancy has been pretty much total misery from day one, I'm so glad to be having a new little one, I'm practically giddy, but finding myself bitter over not having the time to concentrate on that joy and love. I've been dizzy and nauseous and tired the entire time, and big, just extra big, despite not actually gaining weight, I lost weight, not from puking either, just something I do I guess. I was so weirded out by this crappy pregnancy that I got an ultrasound, which I am usually against, to make sure it was just one baby. And it was, or so they say, one big old hyper baby who is already rivaling the other kids as most challenging child, and he's not even born yet. So yes, it's a boy, or so they say...again, I won't be 100% convinced until he's born. =)

Anyway, on the set of that movie in the middle of nowhere an email came through for another project, and pretty much within days of finishing one movie I was thrown into active and heavy pre production on another one, this one much bigger than any before, and much more complicated. I'm actually very proud of how it went down, the crew I got together, the people, the whole thing, but I won't say it wasn't very hard at times. I'm still dealing with it actually, along with about 8 DVD projects in various stages of completion, hoping to get all of those wrapped up by July and by then will likely be working on several more...that's good, income, credits, life moving ahead, all of these are good things. Might even grab one or two more PR clients in the summer just to keep things going, after all, we'll have a new baby to support soon, and we just bought a nice new minivan to hold us all, which I am freakishly excited about.

There have been so many ups and downs the past few months. It would have been easier if I wasn't feeling so awful and lethargic and shaky, but I sense the end of these bad times coming. In the middle of production on the film, my long time dear friend, and client, Lou Perryman passed away. It was not natural, it was not expected, and I'm filled with a giant empty space that sometimes over flows with rage over the loss of him. He was so positive, finally, moving ahead, I loved him, I still love him, and I owe him more than to be screwing up the one life I've got by not taking care of myself. We ended every call with I love you darlin' I am so grateful for that being my last words to him.

After that, we managed to finish the shoot, mostly, and had a great Easter full of fun with the kids and their little Easter baskets, dyeing eggs, and it was so sweet and dear. Then the second bomb dropped, another long time friend passed away, Marilyn Chambers. I've known Marilyn since before my husband was my husband, she bought the first outfit my firstborn child ever wore, she felt my belly when I was pregnant, she joked with us, she was awesome. She was cranky sometimes but her style of temper was amusing and playful and sweet and somehow it made me love her more. Marilyn passed away, of natural causes, on Easter...she was way too young and I miss her terribly. I last saw her in October of 2008 when we sat together at a convention in Ohio. I miss her hugs. I made a promise to both Marilyn and Lou, and myself, that I would write about them at length and put it up on my main site and on here, this is a start, but nowhere near all of it. A month later I am still completely overwhelmed with sadness and shock that they're gone.

Which I guess brings me back to now-ish. My little boy just turned 4 years old, 4! That just seems impossible to me. We had a great party for him which I'm so glad we were able to pull off with everything that's been going on. My daughter is 2 1/2, and I'm due pretty much now with another baby, it's possible I'll have two little boys that are May born Taurus babies...in a way I hope I go later and this little guy sneaks in closer to June and is a Gemini, just so they each have their own time. I do not want to force them to share birthday parties if I can avoid it. Though I am scared to have a Gemini, there is no stopping them. =)

So here it is, late May, and I'm just waiting on a baby, and nesting, and cleaning, and working, and not sleeping enough but eating very well. I'm making some changes and some decisions on how best to keep the things around me that are most important going and somehow balancing work along with it. And for the extra hard days in between, well, I keep good coffee and candles and bubblebath handy.